Another common inhibitor to the bonding process is the usurping of power from the mother. This can occur when there are medical reasons requiring care of the baby to be taken over by hospital staff. It can also happen from over-zealous staff “helping” too much, or the early childhood nurse or doctor undermining a new mother’s best (yet somewhat imperfect) efforts. It can also happen in the early days at home if perhaps your own mother takes over or over-advises on the treatment of your new baby. Although it may seem a bit late to suggest it, the best way to avoid most of this neo-maternal lack of confidence is to develop greater intuition and self confidence all throughout your pre-pregnant and pre-natal life. Then, when the unusual event of a baby comes along, you will be better equipped to remain self-empowered in such instances.
   Although I never considered myself to be suffering PND following Jack’s birth, there is no doubt that a combination of many things gave rise to a classic case of the Baby Blues which served to prohibit proper bonding.
   In looking back at that time, and having not experienced that state again following any of my 4 subsequent births, I can conclude that the solutions to avoiding delays or interruptions to post-natal bonding include:
• Trying for as natural (drug free) a birth as possible
• Reducing in advance of the birth any predisposition towards depression or likelihood of post-natal blues
• Making sure you have resolved any previous issues which may affect your post-natal bonding
• Keeping close to your baby and always being informed of their condition in those neo-natal days
• Not letting “experts” unnecessarily take away your right to learn and develop from inside yourself
• Having a wide and experienced circle of support people to call upon in the early days
• Having no preconceived expectations that your maternal feelings will equate with those of other people.

Bonding in the Family
   With the arrival of each new child, a mother’s confidence in her abilities grows, so anxieties are less likely to

grows, so anxieties are less likely to interfere with the bonding process.With each new child, it can sometimes seem a challenge to find the extra love that is needed to satisfy the whole family as well as your own needs. Having bought up 5 babies, I am continually amazed to find that my capacity to love (Anahata Chakra) seems to grow in proportion to my family. Through mothering I have discovered that love in general, and one’s maternal love in particular, is not a finite thing that has to be divided into smaller and smaller portions to be shared around. It is an evolving and expanding emotion. To assist in this process I have found that regular meditation and the link I have with my guru has enabled me to continually expand both the quantity and quality of my love. Energy, time and love can seem stretched to the limits in a large family and that is why that time of self rejuvenation each day will help you grow in yourself and to serve others around you better.
   For a new mother with previous children, I know it can be a challenge to organise time – (i) alone with her new baby, (ii) alone with each other child from time to time, (iii) alone with her partner, (iv) alone with herself, and (v) with all the different combinations of the above! But if the preparation and bonding has been effective with the other family members, then there need be no reason why they won’t allow you the time and space for a temporarily disproportionate time with your new baby.
   Equally, the father and any other children also need occasion to bond with the new baby in their own ways. And as bonding grows between each family member and the new baby, this will better allow you time away from your baby when he is happy to be with the others. Remembering that bonding is not something that has to be done, but rather something that just grows out of being with someone on an intimate level. Sometimes it might involve helping out with baby tasks like bathing or changing, sharing playtime, or may just mean being there with them for company. Whilst small children have little understanding of the needs of others, older children benefit greatly from the experience of seeing their own mother tending to the needs of a helpless new born. On these occasions you can remind them that they too were once tiny babies needing such attention.