with indiscernible fears about the event.
   If you are in a relationship, then decisions about where and how you have your baby will involve communication with your partner. Irrespective of venue, I think that just as with children, men should not be pressured either way, but the matter discussed honestly, aiming to ensure the birth proceeds as smoothly as possible no matter who attends. Ultimately, I think it is the woman’s prerogative to choose any supporters and visitors she feels will make the occasion work best for her needs, rather than any expectations of who “should” attend.
   A woman should also remember that witness-ing a birth can be for some, more traumatic than actually giving birth. There is usually a lot of loud groaning and even screaming – particularly right at the moment of birth. There is also blood. All of this can be upsetting for someone unaccus-tomed to such things, particularly for the man who, emotionally involved with the woman who appears to be in great distress, feels powerless to help. Men attending a birth, should be encour-aged to develop an attitude of detachment and faith in the woman and her body.
   I know of one particular couple where the woman is very at ease with herself and, due to her day job as a nurse, very comfortable within the hospital situation and with events involving blood loss. However, her partner is the exact reverse. He faints at the sight of needles, is squeamish at the sight of blood, and even greatly upset when someone vomits. They have discussed the option of him not coming to the birth – something she feels may be best – but he is still torn between his desires to be present at the birth of this child, and the effects of his own phobias and the tension he may bring to her birthing occasion.
   The sexuality of birth is also an element which takes some men by surprise. Seeing their most intimate partner open and exposed, particularly in a hospital situation, can create disturbing feelings in men. That part of the woman which has been offered only to him is now public property; all of a sudden he is privy to all of her sexuality and not just the “sexy” bits she wants him to see; he may see birth as representing the final loss of the woman’s virginity; all of a sudden the vagina goes from being a pleasurable plaything to a monster birthing canal. He may feel inadequate since, compared with the emerging baby, he thinks his penis will never again satisfy her (or himself). For some, witnessing their partner giving birth and having such feelings, can affect their ability to relate to
 

his partner in a sexual way after the birth. However, if a man truly wants to mature into fatherhood, such feelings need to be discussed, dealt with and resolved so that the couple can gain a deeper understanding of the changes their sexual relationship is undergoing.
   Other than the physical surprises a man may encounter whilst witnessing a woman give birth, it is vitally important that he be forewarned and counselled about the likely changes of conscious-ness his beloved may undergo. The necessary changes in consciousness a woman can go through during labour should not be impeded by him (trying to keep her on the same wavelength as him for instance) and he needs to understand, in advance that his partner will / may awaken from out of her birthing state a changed individual.
   When a man witnesses the birth of his child he may be seeing for the first time an aspect of his partner’s nature he didn’t know existed. He will be seeing Shakti in action in her full glory. He will be struck by the overpowering primal nature of the experience, and his bonding with that child will be a direct response to the stimulus of the birth. If the birth is natural and uncomplicated he will no doubt be elated and impressed with the woman’s innate ability to give birth. If the birth ends traumatically it may still be important for him to witness the unfolding of events so that he is able to nurture and help his partner recover fully.
   In the days and months after the birth, they must confide honestly about any shift which has occurred in their relationship due to the new babe and he must understand, that for the woman, the experience of giving birth lasts far, far longer than the obvious event itself.
   For those couples enthused by the prospect of the father assisting during birth, the man can offer tremendous physical, mental, emotional and spiritual support. Emotional support, helping to implement the Birth Plan, sharing decisions, liasing with staff, attending his partner’s need for postural change, maintaining the spirit of the room, and just being there, are all valuable inputs. In the moments after birth, as the room comes back into focus for the mother, she will be able to share all her emotions and responses to her baby with her partner, and he with her.

Parents
   Some women use the opportunity of child-birth to forge a new phase in their relationship with their own mother, who is invited to be present at the birth. It can be a completion of the circle, and can be a