The foundations of tantrums are laid much earlier. They just become far more noticeable and more intolerable at about 2!
   Whilst some children are innately more desirous, self-willed and stubborn than others, it is not untrue to say that tantrums are a learned and often parentally-induced behaviour pattern. For those parents who find they can't effectively deal with tantrums in their children, it is often because they can't deal with them in themselves or their partners! Babies who experience a mother who is frequently intolerant of their needs and / or short-tempered with her baby's behavioural antics, and children who observe adults frequently blowing their top with others around the household, will undoubtedly grow up to emulate that.
   The beginnings of tantrums in a young baby can be sown from very early on, when a nervous new mum may be floundering in low self-confidence. The child becomes frustrated by her naivety and, in screaming to get what it wants, finds the mother will pacify it any way she can. Their first tantrum has thus yielded results. Without knowing it, the mother has set the pattern of demand and capitulation. Unless the needs of the child suit the responses of the mother, the child will grow up in unchallenged authority to their every desire. Around 2, as speech begins to develop, the mother thinks that "telling" the child "No" will suffice. But, for the child, the response is too deeply ingrained, and thus the tantrum escalates. The mother thinks that the tantrums have just begun because she knows that the child should know better at that age and because she thinks that it will "under-stand" her requests without resistance. She has also been led to believe that before the so-called "terrible twos" babies don't have the emotional wherewithal to manipulate in such ways. Ha - nonsense!
   Even for a child who was not a tantruming baby, during the rapid self-empowering phase of their second year, they may still try a few tantrums on to see how they feel, to see if they work. Every young child knows that mum can be a soft touch at times, and toddlerdom is simply an exploration of their power and its limits.
   The cause of tantrums must never be con-fused with the circumstances surrounding any one tantrum. It may appear that not getting what they want, or refusing to do things they don't want to, has caused the row, but it is not actually about those things. For the child it is about testing their newfound self empowerment in any way they can. Never take it personally, from their point of view, it is just self exploration! But of course, it

is secondarily testing your authority as a parent, and this is where you must always stand firm against the tantrum, because if what you have asked or instructed is reasonable and fair, then it should be done, irrespective of that child's current level of understanding or desire to do or not to do such a thing. When the fuss has died down, and they have maturity to see beyond their immediate desires, they will be far better off than if you relent to their ego games. What they need most at this time is a guide, a guru - that's you - to help them through this treacherous phase, to teach them about both the good and bad elements of the ego complex. You will also need to find ways of channelling their ego-power creatively, rather than to let it boil over from time to time in childhood frustrations projected onto the parents.
   Children will grow out of tantrums if taught that they won't be tolerated and that they don't work. But many children don't learn this lesson and they simply grow up to be teenagers who stomp out of the room when told they can't have something, slam the doors on their way out of the house, and go off to create social havoc with their unexpressed anger at not getting their own way in the home. They then grow up to be adults who try the same thing on their partners or in business. Others then call them childish. I wonder why?

The Issue of Smacking
   Smacking is another of those very controver-sial issues at present in the liberal Western societies. At one extreme of the argument are people who view any amount of smacking as a physical assault, as child abuse, as abuse of power, and believe it leads to a culture of violence in the family which the child will emulate as they grow up, expressing violence in society as well as replicating it in their own family. At the other end of the spectrum are those who believe that any amount of corporal punishment is permissi-ble by parents in the name of discipline. Some even quote biblical sources for such actions. Most parents of course are somewhere in the middle and tend to use varyingly "reasonable" amounts of smacking. Of those who smack, some resort to implements, some with the bare hand; some on the bottom, some on the hand, and some anywhere they can lash out. Some smack with anger, revenge, or a lack of control, whilst others smack with compassion and a caring concern. Many and varied are the approaches to smacking in our culture.
   In my opinion - and I wish to make it clear that this is not any yogic doctrine but my own scheme based on experience and what I consider to be a balanced