asked what she knew about natural, non-medicinal contraceptive methods, Karen thought it was something to do with using sheep intestines as condoms! When the topic of natural fertility awareness was explained to her more fully, her worldly-wise response was – “Oh that doesn’t work!” Deb then explained that it was in fact the only form of contraception that she and her husband had been using quite successfully for 20 years.    
     On another occasion, when asked what she would do if she became unintentionally pregnant, Karen quickly answered – “Have an abortion or just go to the hospital and take a morning after pill of course”. “And I wouldn’t tell you either” – she added as she looked over at her mum.
     For both Deb and myself, the most stunning thing about this admis-sion, was that Karen imagined she could just go to a doctor one day, abort an embryo the next, come home that evening, act normal, and hide the subsequent physical and psychological recovery from her mother. The fact that one of Karen’s friends had already used this pill method twice, and that one of her friends had had a termination, proved to her that this would be easy and was a perfectly acceptable thing to do at her age.
     Well, that sure was a defining moment for Deb. It was now crystal clear that the little girl she thought she knew so well had moved far out of reach. Like many teenagers, Karen had considered her mother old fashioned, out of touch with modern kids – just a mum. She had never considered that Deb had once been much like her. Karen had also pushed from her mind the idea that her mother was still a sexual woman who enjoyed a healthy sex life. To break down these ideas, Deb had to open up and share parts of herself she had kept hidden from her teenage daughter. It was through Deb sharing some of her own youthful experiences that Karen appreciated her mother was someone she could really talk to. They were both then more able to open up to each other.
     Deb and Karen are talking and listening to each other more, sharing what is common between them. Karen is gaining a deeper knowledge about womanhood than she would be getting from her girlfriends and Deb is treasuring the renewed closeness between them.
     Karen now appreciates – “When mum and I started talking about sexual issues, boyfriend issues and other things, I started to see them from a more spiritual level. I got more depth and understanding of myself and the way I was looking at them. I now have a much greater respect for my mum because she has a very good heart and in her own life has dealt with some huge issues. I now see I have learned a lot through her mothering that I’m sure I’ll use in my later life. I’m sure our communication lines will stay open”.
     Deb realises – “In opening up to Karen, I realise I have to open up myself. For me, this has been a process of unlocking my own hang ups and my emotions surrounding my own growing up. Even now that our relationship has substantially improved, I know I have to continually keep communicating so that it improves further, and we both have to keep trying so that we don’t slip back into the old habits”.
     The overall result was that they both resolved to communicate better about women’s matters in the future and to work on building greater intimacy.