How
to Stay Calm.....     By Susie Cortright |
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My beloved
car had just blown its engine, pregnancy was making me crazy,
and we had no money in our pockets (or anywhere else). When
I slammed our front door, I knocked the only plant I had managed
to keep alive all season off the windowsill. Just as the pottery
hit the floor and cracked, so did I. I lay face down in black
potting soil and pottery shards and let my Labrador lick the
tears off my dirty face. |
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That was just
before the birth of our first child. Since then, there have
been countless times when I've wanted to curl up on the carpet
and scream, but the ever-watching kids have made that a luxury
I can no longer afford. Now that I have a two-year-old, I
have to struggle to not act like one. I have to keep my temper
under control. |
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It's more difficult
now, too. One of the biggest surprises of motherhood, many
moms agree, is the absolute anger we can feel in no time -
and with very little provocation. Start with a sleep-deprived
parent, throw in a troubled teenager, a whining child, or
a colicky newborn, and even the coolest cat may lose her mind.
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Releasing our
anger in the wrong ways can lead to emotional and physical
scars on our kids. When infants are shaken, even for one heated
moment, they can die. And it takes only a moment to harm their
little souls. Weeks ago, I snapped at my two-year-old. It
was an instance that I thought would be forgotten after a
hug and an apology. Until, that is, the next day when she
kept asking, "Mommy, are you mad at me?" Even today, she can
sense irritation in just the set of my jaw and she'll ask
again. It breaks my heart to know she must remember when mommy
was mad. It proves how sensitive and impressionable she is
and how she is always, always watching her mommy. |
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As they watch,
these young ones are paying particular attention to the way
we handle difficult situations. And what we model for them
will, in large part, determine their success at controlling
their own tempers as they grow up
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So, even in
the face of total exasperation, we must stay calm. For a long
time, the advice has been to simply go away for a moment and
count to ten, but, as all moms know, sometimes that's not
so easy. A small child may be frightened when mommy leaves
to take a time-out. Sometimes counting to ten just doesn't
do it, and there's no time to count to 100. |
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So here are
a few more tips, compiled just for moms, to help you deal
with anger and stay calm with your kids. |
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PREVENTATIVE
MEASURES |
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The best time to work on staying
cool is before you're hot |
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Declare
a zero-tolerance policy on the out-of-control temper. |
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You must
decide, for yourself, that behaving this way is simply
not okay. Remind yourself that it is possible to manage
your emotions. Think back to times when you were successful
at controlling your anger. Perhaps you bit your tongue
rather than hollering at the boss. Or you were just
about to let it fly at your husband when your in-laws
called and suddenly you couldn't believe the sweetness
of your own voice. See? We all have the power to suddenly
change our mood. |
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Be prepared |
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Lots
of things can go wrong each day; be ready for them.
For example, if you've got babies, pack a bag with at
least one extra shirt for everyone (even Dad), a complete
outfit for each toddler, and several for the infants.
Stow them in the back of the car with extra diapers
and plenty of baby wipes. |
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Is there
anything specific that triggers your anger? |
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Keep
a journal for those times when you feel like you're
ready to fly off the handle. Do you notice any patterns--time
of day, hunger level, lack of exercise, a full calendar?
Even noise from a TV or radio can contribute to a feeling
of over-stimulation, which can set off an emotional
explosion. Create a nurturing environment for yourself. |
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Take
care of yourself |
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We're
more likely to react to a situation - rather than to
simply act - when we haven't gotten enough sleep or
we haven't been eating right. Start your day with a
light breakfast that includes carbohydrates and protein.
Then continue to eat for energy throughout the day.
More Energy for Moms ( http://www.momscape.com/energy.htm)
features information on how to control your moods with
food. |
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Daily
exercise |
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Daily
exercise provides a physical release to help you control
anxiety and aggression throughout the day. A half-hour
of kickboxing can release tension you didn't even know
you had. I know I'm not the only mom addicted to Tae-Bo
tapes. We kick and punch our way back to sanity every
afternoon. |
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A regular
routine of prayer and meditation |
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A regular
routine of prayer and meditation can calm a chaotic
mind. Sit quietly for at least 15 minutes a day. Practice
a few yoga stretches when things get tense. |
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Decide
how you'll deal with certain situationS before they arise |
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What
makes you want to blow your top? Whether it's toddler
temper tantrums or the preschooler's occasional whine,
determine how you will handle those things beforehand
- while you're calm. |
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Understand
your child |
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Read
up on child development and put yourself in their shoes.
Ask yourself: "What's it like to be two and not have
the skills to express what you want?" "What's it like
for a newborn who finds herself with a gut-wrenching
bellyful of gas and doesn't understand why it hurts?"
Kids act the way they do for a reason. Often, there's
a developmental milestone associated with a child's
behavior. Understanding the reasons behind our kids'
actions can go a long way in helping us develop a sense
of empathy, compassion and, ultimately, tolerance. |
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IN
THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT |
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Afterwards,
reinforce your love for the child and retreat to assess the
way you handled the situation. What did you do right? What
will you do differently next time? |
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To find Yoga,
Meditation, Natural Health and other Holistic products, you may visit HealthAndYoga.com Market Place
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Reproduced with
permission |
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Resources:
Copyright 2003 Susie Cortright
Susie Cortright is the mother of three young children, the founder
of Momscape.com, and the acclaimed author of two books to help
parents triumph over their unique life challenges:
More Energy for Moms
"Create a life of energy, passion, and joy"
Click here: www.momscape.com/energy.htm
and Rekindling Your Romance After Kids: "50 practical ways even
for those 'I-don't-feel-sexy' days"
Click here: www.momscape.com/rekindle.htm |
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