experiences (the things my children have taught me). I consider this a wise and broad stream of inputs, and whether it be right or wrong, I believe it will pass onto my kids an understanding of behaviour which will see them right for life in a broad set of circumstances.

Good Behaviour - Who Is It For?
   So why do we insist on certain behaviours around the home or out in public for instance? There are many motives.
·   We want our children to be safe, both for their benefit but also because of our own fear of loss - "Don't run across the road". "Be careful with that stick".
· We want our children to be liked - "Say thank you to Tommy for that lovely present".
· We want our own parenting to be approved of - "Stop running around the supermarket." "Don't pick your nose in public".
· We want our own parents to approve of our parenting - "I want you to show Grandma how nicely you can behave tonight when she visits". "Sit up straight and get your elbows off the table".
·   We want our family to be respected - "Don't ever tell anyone at school again that your Dad drinks himself to sleep every night".
· ……. and so on.

   So many behavioural rules are for our own gratification rather than for the specific good of the child, such that, in the end, so many children grow up to be just like their parents! They have merely been conditioned, behaviourally trained, like little mice in a cage, to "be" just like us. But what has happened to their own individuality throughout all this behaviour modification? When and how does that come out? Answer: usually as the teen years unfold, when they spend the whole time trying to break all the previous patterning in search of themselves. Such explosions of rebellion are a sure sign of the previous imposition of rules and behaviours which were constrictive to their personality and not just age-based (as parents so often believe they are).
   But behaviour restrictions are not actually teaching "good behaviour". They are just brainwashing, as well as ways of straight-jacketing human freedom. Rather than just laying down rules of "good" behaviour and punishing deviations, explaining to children how and why certain behaviours are expected and how they can be beneficial to them will help them gain better self knowledge and social understanding. Also, letting them 

explore a range of behaviours by giving them some choices to test how they will be treated in return, gives them a choice of discovering the right or wrong behaviour in that context. Letting them sometimes experience the results of their own behavioural rebellion may seem cruel, but it is also kind. Obviously you don't let them run under a car as a lesson, but there are other, less dangerous ones they can have through which they will appreciate the foolishness of their own ignorance and the wisdom of their teachers.

Bad Behaviour
   Any behaviour is only ever a symptom of some underlying cause or motive. For example, the way a boat behaves on the water is partly derived from its design and structure; partly from the behaviour of the water; and partly due to the way in which it is being controlled. If we look deeper into each of those causes we find that: the design and structure are functions of the architect and builder, and that is a function of their combined understanding of boats. The water itself is really just a function of the weather, and that is in turn just a function of location, season, etc. The boat's control is a function of the operator's maturity, experience, and understanding of design, construction and weather. Therefore the underlying causes of a boat's apparent behaviour are many and complex, depending on how far back you investigate. My point here is that the behaviour of all things - boats and people alike - which we frequently judge only from the surface, are always much deeper and more complex than we often perceive at first.
Since all human behaviour is therefore a symptom of some deeper conscious or unconscious motive, we must therefore look to find the real cause in order to understand and relieve it, rather than just ponder at, and tinker with, surface behaviours. Just like a boat, a person's behaviour may be due to any combina-tion of their original design - that is their own innate personality. It may be due to current (or previous) circumstances - that is the water or climate around them. Or it may be due to the actions of their parents - that is the captain or guide of their journey.
   To consider something as bad behaviour or rule breaking, a child must firstly know the rules and be able to remember them. But so many times, in their childish exuberance, they forget. In this case, how can we best help them to remember what you consider to be the important rules?