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So you've missed a period, and had been
wondering about it, when this nauseating feeling also starts
troubling you. Then, the urine test comes out positive. Here
you are left with a big '?', feeling angry at yourself, your
lover, confused, feel like crying, feel like rushing to the
abortion clinic or just feeling like killing yourself.
Before you go in for any hasty decisions,
try to follow some 6 bit of advice from Swami Gurupremananda,
who herself had had a few unplanned pregnancies, and at the
age of 17 had her first daughter whom she adopted out. She
is now a renowned yoga master, and a birthing mother who
specializes in woman's health. This is what she has to say
about an unplanned pregnancy in her book "Mother As first
Guru".
Step 1: DON'T PANIC
It is not a life-threatening emergency.
You have plenty of time to consider things. Just for the
moment, don't think about -what am I going to do, will I
have it or not, what does he want, will I tell him anyway.
You may be in shock right now, and that's no time to use
your rational mind. You may be feeling that things are out
of your control, just as they were when it happened. But you
have to realize it that at that time didn't have control
over your fertility, your contraceptive method, your
partner's sexual urges, and now if you don't panic you
can regain control.
Step 2: DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A HARD
TIME
An unplanned pregnancy leads to the
emotion of guilt, shame, fear and ignorance. Feelings like
"I hate myself", "I am in deep trouble now, look what
someone else has done to me" arise. Pregnancy occurred
because of all the forces resident in the pelvic area, but
resolving this issue can be done only using your head,
when you may be feeling cheated by the circumstances.
It is easy to say that drop your guilt,
your hurt, your anger, but that is what is required at this
point of time, for you to think rationally. The feeling
won't go way immediately, but you have to let go of the
guilt, stop dwelling on it, loosen up the mindset, and
be open to change. If you are open to change move on.
Step 3: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT
IS
When you have stopped feeling guilty
about your so-called "wrong doing", you must acknowledge the
responsibility for what exists now. You should not be a
victim any longer, but be the master of the situation.
What frequently drives a lot of people straight away to
consider abortion is that urge to get rid of potential
responsibility, and guilt. Stop dwelling over the past,
think about right now. Take a deep abdominal breath of
self-assurance, look upwards, and take a big confident step.
Step 4: ACCEPT YOURSELF AND FIND THE
LOVE
It is important that you forgive
yourself. It is not easy, but comes from a self-realised
understanding that no real harm can ever come to our
spiritual selves- even from sexual ignorance.
We are responsible to do something
about something we now know about, and we are
responsible for trying to increase our understandings of
things we don't know about, we are not responsible for
things, which we did not know about at that time. This
is the key to go beyond guilt and awaken self-acceptance.
More than forgiving yourself for getting pregnant, what you
are actually doing is forgiving yourself for all your
ignorance. This is a healthy start to becoming more wise.
Next it is important to find love in
yourself and your partner. Just think for a moment,
about that fateful day and how you felt about it? Whether
your act was one of love or just 'for sex' or beautiful or
dishonest. Finding love at that point of time of lovemaking
has led many a women to change their decision from aborting
it to keeping it.
Step 5: DECIDE TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM
IT
Now is the time that you learn something
from the whole event. Once you decide to learn something
from a potential disaster means that you have accepted
yourself, and plan to resolve the situation diligently. It
is the time when you have realized the truth, and it is time
for you to have a serious discussion with yourself.
Step 6: MEDITATE DEEP AND LONG BEFORE
YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
The technique of meditation you can
follow is "So Ham Mantra Japa". The purpose of meditation is
to find out the answers and resolve conflicts.
Swami Gurupremnanda , recommends that one
must go over these 6 steps time and over again till there
are no feelings of guilt , or shame . Also some other
factors to assist in the process are:
RESOLVE IT ALONE
It is important that you decide for
your self first what you wish to do with this pregnancy
without the consultation of the father (it is not that the
father is not equally responsible), or some wise advisor.
This should be done because here we are to resolve an
existing pregnancy and not the cause. It is the woman who
must take the responsibility (initially) alone. It is she
who will be carrying the baby. A man has first hand
experience of the baby only once it is born. He may have the
right since it is his sperm, but it is only possible if the
woman agrees to take on the pregnancy.
If he as well as you didn't want the
pregnancy then the matter should end there. If you
want the baby and he doesn't, then either ethically or
morally he has no further responsibility or else you can
hound him for paternal obligations.
Or else if you both decide to go on
with the pregnancy - both of you should decide individually
and independently. This is possible if you decide before
asking him. This is very different from a compromise answer
when a man may get influenced by you and later have regrets.
The father may even then walk out on you later, when he
realizes what he really wants, leaving you in a more
difficult situation. Individual, unassisted answers
enables one to reveal their deepest paternal and maternal
compatibilities. This is important, as later when the
child comes he should not feel unwanted by either parent.
Any child can detect unwanted-ness from even 3 months of
conception, and this can have its own implications in the
future life of that child.
To handle an unplanned pregnancy, as we
see yoga (meditation) can be of great help as it will enable
you become a stronger person, who has overcome all the
negative feelings, and taken a firm and rational decision
about herself, her partner, and most important the child.
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